To Lose It All
by LovingMyKitsune
Summary: An aging woman shares her story of love and loss to a journalist and town that are dying to hear 'what happened to the Higurashis.' Civil War Era. InuKag
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

_Fall 1928_

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><p>A young woman in maid's attire entered the small sitting room with another, more professionally dressed woman in tow.<p>

"Your guest has arrived, Ma'am." The maid said to the aged lady in the room, who was lost looking out the window she sat by.

The old woman slowly regained herself and faced the newcomers. "Oh, I'm sorry about that. I was just deep in thought. Please have a seat Ms…"

The journalist stepped forward, extending her hand. "Miss. Hill, it's a pleasure to meet you at last, Ms. Higurashi."

"Please, call me Kagome. I'm no longer a Higurashi; I haven't been for sometime now."

"I'm terribly sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Kagome waved a wrinkly hand in front of her face. "It's nothing; you meant no harm. I just severed those ties a long time ago. It causes me no pain now."

Miss. Hill fidgeted with embarrassment for a moment before her eagerness made her take the offered seat. "Well, as you remember, I've been the one writing you these past few weeks to set up this meeting." When Kagome nodded her understanding, Miss. Hill continued in a sort of frenzied excitement, "The newspaper I work for is very interested in your story. I'm just so glad you agreed to share it with us first. And with me of course - there are not many female journalists."

Kagome once again looked out her window, concentrating on the lone tree in the middle of the concrete ally. "I don't know why everyone is so interested. It's a very sad story; I lost everything."

Miss. Hill scooted forward in her seat and leaned closer to Kagome. She studied the older woman's face, which looked oddly smooth and youthful considering this woman was 85 years old. Not to mention how pretty she still was. Time had truly aged this woman gracefully despite all the tragedy she had faced.

"Everyone is just curious how someone such as yourself: wealthy, fortunate, privileged, ended up the way you did. What happened to your family? The police reports say they never got any information from you. If it's not too painful for you, I'd like to hear your story that's still the talk of the town. It's truly amazing that after almost 65 years everyone still wants to know what happened to the Higurashis."

Without turning around Kagome spoke, "Christina dear, can you fetch Miss. Hill and myself some water and sandwiches?"

"Ma'am." Her maid bowed her exit.

Miss. Hill got her pen and notepad ready. When she looked up from her bag, Kagome was facing her. She saw tears forming in the older woman's eyes, which were a remarkable misty blue and alive with emotion.

By the time Christina had returned, Kagome had regained her composure enough to talk.

"Alright, where would you like to begin?"

Miss. Hill smiled. "From the very beginning; as far back as you can remember."

Kagome exhaled and smoothed out the light blanket across her lap. "I was born in 1843 into a very prosperous family in South Virginia. Both my parents were from wealthy families and were married to strengthen each others' social standings and money. It was not a marriage of love.

I grew up knowing one day I'd have to marry for the same reasons. But that was never _my_ plan - I wanted to find true love. I knew I could never settle for the type of marriage my parents had. In the end though, it was this dream of mine that tore apart my family."

"Rumor says you _did_ fall in love and with a slave."

Kagome nodded. "Yes I did and yes, he was a slave. His name was Inuyasha. Never in my entire life have I ever been more in love. He was everything beautiful and perfect. He first came to us when I was ten. At my first glance of him, I knew he was going to be someone important in my life."

"How did you know?"

"Have you ever been in love?"

Miss. Hill blushed. "No."

"Then that explains everything." Kagome had an amused as she watched the journalist write that down.

Once again, the tree molting outside caught Kagome's eye. She looked deep into its leaves of oranges and yellows wishing to find something… _someone_ she knew she wouldn't find. She closed her eyes, allowing everything to flash before her closed lids and let her memories spill past her lips.

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><p>Hello!<p>

Miss me? :) Impossible! I just finished wrapping up Exchanging Feelings two days ago! I decided to continue my uploading streak with a fresh story! Don't worry! This doesn't mean I'll be putting Chicago Seasons on hold. I plan to upload that story next and kind of flip-flop between these two.

Sorry for the short first chapter, I just really wanted it to stand separate though!

Just a quick note, even though this story will be about Kagome recalling her past, I will incorporate Inuyasha's view as well, purely for the enjoyment of you readers :) I know it doesn't make sense with the storyline but I like messing around with Inuyasha's perspectives! Hehe also, this story will be take place before, during and after the Civil War, if you were wondering.

If you like what you've read so far, feel free to let me know :) Thanks friends!

_hugs_LovingMyKitsune

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its amazing characters.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_Spring 1856_

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><p>Her bare, snow-white feet padded hurriedly across the dusty earth. She could feel a pebble of sweat drip down her back and cursed the blaring Sun for it's early arrival this morning. She just wanted to run like this forever, but soon, everyone would be waking and wondering where she had gotten off too again. She slowed her run and let down the cotton dress, which she had balled in her fists, as she came to a quick walk. Her papa had already been mad at her twice this week; she was sure to get the belt this time if he found her missing.<p>

Still, Kagome couldn't find it in herself to turn around. No, she wanted to be free. She wanted to _escape_. She stopped amidst the cotton field and laid down in one of the rows. No one would be able to see her if they passed the field, not unless they looked down her particular row.

Her mama hadn't been buried long before papa was a changed man. He drank more than ever and beat her and her older brother, Souta. He was constantly yelling and threatening. He was no longer the happy, lively man she had known all her thirteen years. He was the shell of a man, infringing on becoming a true monster. Kagome's eyes darken. _Hell, he already has become a monster_.

Mama had been the one that kept him in line. Sure there were times when her mama would usher her and Souta to their bedrooms and handle their dads wrath, but those times were not often. They had been a relatively happy family before her death. Her papa certainly didn't drink as much when her mama was alive.

He had never felt he was good enough for her. It wasn't a love match but Naraku Higurashi was madly in love with Uzmi Mizaguchi from the moment he saw her. She was a renown beauty and had the kindest soul of any that had ever lived. He was always trying to win her love. He never succeeded though over the mild affection she had come to have for him in all the years of their marriage.

So, when she died three winters ago, his true self came out. No one was safe from him when he had gotten to his drink. After three years, Kagome should have learned to better behave herself but that was a feat nearly impossible.

She was raised to run free outdoors with her brother. And on the days when Souta's health wasn't great, which was increasingly more often as of late, she never wanted for company. The slave children that were too young to work yet, were her playmates. Together, they ran free in the woods and fields all day long, sometimes not coming home until after dark.

But even Kagome wouldn't dare to come home after dark nowadays. Naraku would have her bottom for sure if she did. He didn't care much for her playing with the slave children much anymore, so she had to do that carefully and after all her chores were done.

She sighed and stretched her arms wide to the sides. _Is there anything more wonderful than a beautiful day?_

"Ya better get out of here." A gruff voice stirred her blue eyes open.

"And if I don't want to?" She challenged with a glint to in her eyes and a quickening rhythm of her heart.

He scowled. "I'm serious. The other slaves are showing up to work now. If your pa finds ya here…"

Kagome wrinkled her nose at the demon boy with silver hair and amber eyes. He was about her age and had arrived on her papa's plantation shortly after the winter her mama died. Although he had started work the same day he had gotten here, Kagome had gotten to know him gradually through the other demons. She couldn't quite place what it was, but he was different from the others.

And yes, she was more than just a little fascinated by his otherworldly looks.

"Yeah, yeah." She stood up and brushed the red dirt from her dress. "See ya around, Inuyasha."

As she skipped off, she could imagine him rolling his eyes; he was never impressed with her. That thought brought a funny feeling inside her - _Why should I care if I impress him or not?_ She frowned at herself for the silliness of wanting him to take notice of her like the way she had of him. Without conscious thought, her mind replayed the day he arrived.

_"Kagome! Ye get back here!" Her maid Kaede yelled._

_Kagome didn't pay any mind to her maid's orders but instead increased her sprint towards the line of trees that bordered much of her papa's property. Her papa had gone this way only a few minutes ago and she wanted to see what he was up to. And more than that she wanted to get out of her house which was only reminding her of her mama's pointed absence. _

_The sting of the winter air revived her a little and by the time she was hidden in the thick coverage of the trees, her cheeks had rosied and her breath misted in front of her. She continued now at a slow walk, knowing Kaede wouldn't follow her or bother to send anyone after her. Kagome's more frequent rebellions were easily let go by Kaede and written off as her way of dealing with her mama's death. She walked even slower when she neared the front gate._

_Peering around a thick trunk, Kagome saw with interest her papa talking with a man she presumed to be a Slave Trader. She couldn't hear what they were saying from this distance but they seemed to be bargaining and by the looks of it her papa was winning. She shivered not from the cold of the weather but the coldness that had overtaken her papa that had begun two weeks ago. Even from here she could see the way he stared icily; she could see the mean snarl of his upper lip, the agressive way he hovered over the other man._

_Finally, they seemed to have agreed on a price and after securing the payment, the Slave Trader went to the wooden cage attached to his wagon and opened the door. He harshly barked something and out came a small boy._

_Something like adrenaline raced in her small chest. He had silver hair that fell in a unruly mess to his waist. She wanted to get closer to get a better look at this demon. Knowing it was risky to venture closer, she had to wait until her papa began leading the boy by the rope tied around his wrists. As they neared, she noticed something even more thrilling about his appearance; he had small dog-like ears on top his head._

_She couldn't contain the quiet giggle at the adorable way they twitched upon his head. At her omission, the demon boy, who was only a few feet from her hiding spot turned his head sharply in her direction. For a second, the dim morning light sparked off his eyes; off his jewel-hued golden eyes._

_Those wonderous eyes that were now locked on her. Exhaling a surprised breath, she jolted herself back around the tree, with her back pressed firmly into the bark. Her heart was racing and she tried to decipher the emotion tangled in her throat. When he looked at her... something happened... somehow she knew he wasn't going to be a boy she was going to easily forget._

_Those eyes...  
><em>

By the time she finished her memory, Kagome was back to her house and slipped in through the kitchen entrance.

"There ye are, missy. Are ye tryin' to get a whippin'?" Old Kaede scolded; her previous lenience of Kagome's mal behavior completely used up.

"Sorry, Kaede. It was just such a beautiful day!" Kagome tried to justify as she was forcefully dragged into the study.

Kagome obediently sat at her desk and picked up her pen as Kaede began fussing over the dirt in her curls.

"Ye are lucky ye pops went into town earlier than ye skipped out or else he would've taken the belt to ye."

"I know. I promise not to do it again." She answered faithfully but mildly.

"Ye better. Yer pops doesn't want ye outside anymore around them slaves. He says ye too old fer that now."

Kagome began writing her sentences absently. "What good is it to sit inside all day?"

"Besides the fact that ye are going to turn brown and wrinkly, ye could be spending some time with Souta fer one."

The young girl chewed on the edge of her pencil, feeling guilty. "That's true. I should have thought of that."

Kaede finished fixing her charge's hair and gave her shoulders a loving squeeze. "Ye didn't mean anything by it I know. Yer just too much like yer mama."

Kagome smiled sadly. "I miss her."

"Aye, me as well." Kaede gathered up some sewing and took a seat across from Kagome. "Finish those sentences and then go see Souta; he's feeling well today. Maybe ye could read to 'im outside."

After finishing up her work, Kagome grabbed Souta's favorite book, _Ivanhoe_ and went to his room.

"Hey Souta." She greeted, stepping into his dark, well furnished room.

"Mornin' Sis. Kaede said we could sit outside today."

"Mhm, but only if ya get your lazy butt out of bed." Kagome said with a sassy flop onto his bed.

"Ha ha. You're a real comedian you know that, Sis?"

She flashed a dazzling smile. "So you tell me. Come on, I've got the good stuff." She held up the book in a conspiratorial way.

"You really get me sometimes."

"Yeah, its strange; like brothers and sisters shouldn't ever be on the same page." She teased.

He laughed weakly and allowed Kagome to help him dress and walk downstairs. Kaede had set them up a little picnic not far from the house in the comfortable shade of a large oak.

"Where did we leave off… Ah, here we are." Kagome began to read aloud in a gentle voice as Souta leaned back against the tree with his eyes closed.

It was peaceful. Kagome already felt as if this morning had happened in another lifetime. She read for hours and by the time she stopped for a break, she saw Souta had fallen asleep. She smiled at him fondly and rummaged through the picnic basket for the jar of water.

She took a long swig and when she put the jar down, she saw Inuyasha walking not far off, into the tool shed. She thought about going over there but if he was getting something for a field overseer she didn't want to slow him down. The slaves already couldn't do things fast enough to please the overseers.

She bit her lip ruefully, wishing the slaves weren't treated so cruelly. Sure, they were of another species but they were so nice to her. They played with her and they had even taught her small things, like how to cook and how to sew. What made them deserve the treatment they received? She didn't believe for a second they were as evil as her father said they were. It amazed her that because humans _feared_ demons so much they had to enslave them. How does that work?

Inuyasha returned from the shed carrying a whip. She clenched her fists; someone was going to get a whipping. Inuyasha's eyes met hers as he passed by.

"Who?" She asked quietly.

He didn't answer only looked away.

"Oh no." She cried breathlessly. _It's for him._

"Kagome?"

She whipped her head around; she had forgotten Souta was with her. She dashed a hand across her blurry eyes.

"Hey, you're awake." She said at a lame attempt to recover herself.

"Why do you look at him like that?"

Kagome sniffled. "Oh Souta, he is going to get the whip."

He shook his head, the heavy fringe of his dark bangs becoming tousled. "That's not what I meant."

His sister reached out and fixed his messed hair. "Then what do you mean?"

He sighed, "Never mind."

That night after dinner, after Naraku locked himself in his study, and after Kaede went to bed, Kagome sneaked out to the slave quarters.

Her bare feet were nearly silent on the hard earth. She made her way to the hut Inuyasha shared with another demon their age, Shippo. She knocked lightly and wasn't surprised when the door opened immediately, of course they had heard her coming with their inhuman senses.

Shippo opened the door wider and Kagome slipped inside. She spotted Inuyasha right away, laying on his stomach on his cot. His shirt was off and the skin on his back was bloody and shredded.

"Think you could fetch me some clean water and clean rags?" Kagome asked of Shippo, who mutely nodded and left.

She sat down beside Inuyasha, careful not to jar the bunk too much. "Hey."

He grunted his greeting.

"You going to tell me what happened? Why did you get a whipping?"

"It's none of your concern." He said into his arms.

"Inuyasha-"

"Look, just drop it will ya? What are you even doin' here?"

Kagome bit back her anger, knowing he was only being rude because of the pain. "We're friends; I'm going to help you."

"We ain't friends. You _own_ me, remember?"

She twisted her fingers in her lap. "That's not true. I'm never going to own any slaves. I don't like the way you are treated."

"Keh. Just get out of here before ya get me in more trouble."

She comptemplated the wisdom of his statement when Shippo arrived with the requested supplies.

"That's not fair, Inuyasha. She didn't mean to get ya in trouble the first time."

"What?" Kagome turned to Shippo. "He got whipped because of _me_?"

Inuyasha growled, "Shut your mouth, runt." He attempted to sit up but only managed groan of pain and fell flat on the cot again.

Kagome looked between the two. "Is this true? Inuyasha, you got whipped because of me?" He didn't respond, so she turned back to Shippo. "Shippo, tell me what happened."

Her question wasn't forceful by tone, but it was a direct order and even though she didn't mean it like that, Shippo couldn't help but answer truthfully. It was apart of the spell that was put on all the collars the demons were made to wear as slaves - they had to obey direct orders from their masters.

Kagome cringed when Shippo squeaked as the spell compelled him to answer. "You were in the fields this morning when the slaves began working. The overseer saw you running away and thought maybe Inuyasha had done something wicked to you. Inuyasha didn't want to get you in trouble by telling him you were there by your own choice, so he just let him believe whatever he wanted. We're lucky they didn't tell the master and he just got punished once." With a small shrug he added, "At least they only waited til midday to whip him; he got a large part of the day off."

Tears pooled in her eyes. "I did this?" She eyed the bloody mess that was Inuyasha's back. "I'm so sorry, Inuyasha."

He snorted. "Ya didn't do it on purpose." His voice had softened a degree however.

She sniffled and picked up the cloth and dipped it in the water. Gently, she began washing Inuyasha's back. She paused occasionally when the pain became too much and whispered kind words of encouragement until he settled back down.

It was then and there Kagome promised to never hurt him again.

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><p>Miss. Hill wiped at her own eyes. "That must have been horrible to see the man you loved beaten so brutally."<p>

Kagome nodded. "It is horrible to see _anyone_ so badly beaten. But yes, Souta was on to something that I couldn't realize for myself just then - I _loved_ Inuyasha even then. And watching his misery as I cleaned his wounds, it was of the worst pain I have ever felt."

After a minute, Miss. Hill spoke up again. "You were thirteen when that happened. What other big things happened that year or the ones following?"

Kagome smiled a soft, watery smile. "Nothing too striking happened after that until the summer after I turned fifteen. After Inuyasha's whipping -the only one he ever had- me and him came to an understanding: if he was going to protect me, I was going to protect him. We became a whole of a lot closer after that. I sneaked out to see him a lot at night and in the morning we acted as if each other didn't exist.

The summer I was fifteen, my father came into a lot of inheritance money. He was expanding the plantation and hired more help than we needed. So the slaves took shifts working. Inuyasha had off during the day sometimes, so I would sneak off into the woods with him and the other slaves.

It was one summer day that I made potentially one of the most reckless bargains of my life and Inuyasha's."

Miss. Hill was sitting at the edge of her seat again. "What was it?"

The older woman laughed softly and stared out her window. "I asked him to teach me how to swim."

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><p>HEY EVERYONE!<p>

I'm so sorry about my extended absence! I was in Europe and then I came back only in time to start my next semester and then... well, you all know how demanding college is... So again, my apologies! I really hadn't intended to wait this long before uploading again! In fact, I've had this chapter written for well over a month and I'm just finding an hour right this instant to upload it.

Aside from that, I also feel I should apologize for not uploading Chicago Seasons first, as promised. I decided to change some aspects of that story so I will need to rewrite the second chapter and I just really didn't want you guys to feel abandoned so I uploaded TLIA instead since it was finished and waiting.

Lastly, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter :) There are some very cute moments coming up along with some mild-building-to-anguishy moments. I'm positively excited to share this story with you guys! I've been itching to upload it for literally months now! Let me know what you think and if you have any questions feel free to review or message me as always!

_hugs_LovingMyKistune


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_Summer 1858_

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><p>It was another blaringly bright summer day when Kagome decided she had had enough schoolwork for the day and desperately needed a break. Kaede had fallen asleep on the settee and a wicked glint twinkled in her eye.<p>

Kagome calmly put her pencil down and pushed back from the desk.

"Where do you think you're going?" Souta's disapproving voice asked.

She jumped having forgotten Souta was doing lessons with her this morning. Recovering, she skipped over to his desk and sat on the edge of it. She put on her prettiest smile.

"I'm just going for a quick walk while Kaede naps. I don't want to disturb her and I'm already finished with my lessons for today."

Souta rolled his blue eyes. "I'm not stupid sis; you don't have to lie to me."

Her smile turned into a playful grin. "Okay, so I may or may not go and rump around with the slave children."

"Kagome." He said sternly.

"You can come if you like."

"Kagome."

She gave an unladylike snort and lifted her chin defiantly. "Are you going to tell on me?"

His expression softened. "Of course not, Kags. I just worry about you is all. Papa has been talking about sending you away to finishing school because you haven't been acting like a lady."

She sighed and fidgeted with her white dress. "I know, I know. But that's all the more reason for me to enjoy myself now, ain't it?"

He raised an amused eyebrow at her weak reasoning.

"I'm going, Souta. You should come too; you're not sick anymore."

"That's true but I also don't want to deal with Papa's wrath. Things have been good lately with the money and expansion but who knows what will set him off? And besides, I'm not a kid anymore Kags. I'm almost 18 and Papa expects a lot more out of me."

She stared at her older brother wondering when he had gotten so mature. Maybe it was overcoming his mysterious illness that made him wiser beyond his years. What ever it was Kagome was sure she didn't like it. He made so much sense and she didn't want to feel this guilt. What she wanted was to go and see if Inuyasha and Shippo were on break right now. _Well, mainly Inuyasha…_

Souta noticed her secret smile and realized she was already off somewhere else in her head. And he had a pretty good guess as to where it was. He sighed and made a shooing motion with his hands.

"Oh, get out of here ya hooligan."

Kagome jarred from her thoughts and sent him another pleasant smile. "Thank you! When Kaede wakes, tell her I had a headache and am napping. That should buy me some more time!" She jumped off the desk and walked around to her grown brother.

She gave him a jaunty kiss and skipped from the room. He watched her with amusement but also concern. She was too naïve about the world and the sooner she understood that the better.

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><p>Kagome was dashing into the kitchen when she saw her father approaching. Quickly, she slowed herself down to a more ladylike walk as he came into the house.<p>

"Good afternoon, Papa." Kagome greeted him with a forced smile.

He stared down at his daughter with dark eyes. "Where are you off to, Kagome?"

She put her hands behind her back and looked up at him with innocent eyes while feeling a sickening churning in her stomach. "I finished my studies and Kaede said I could have a quick walk before my piano practice since I finished early."

His maroon eyes narrowed. "Why isn't your brother or Kaede escorting you?"

Kagome made a show out of a dramatic sigh. "Papa, I'm just going to walk around the garden for a little. Besides, Souta is too responsible to do something as mundane as walking when he could be perfecting his account books."

The diversion to Souta seemed to appease her stern father. "He is working on his account books right now?" Kagome nodded. "Excellent. Alright Kagome, continue with your walk but if you are a minute late for piano… you answer to me." His voice darkened to compliment his handsome dark looks.

She nodded once more and hurried past him. She was aware of his eyes boring into her back as she made her way out the kitchen door into the blinding sunlight.

She had just entered the slaves quarters when she saw Inuyasha and Shippo among a larger group of slaves on break. She joined them with a smile. The group muttered a general greeting and she answered back with one.

She tried not to be hurt at the complete stop the conversation had made when she approached. Slowly, over the years, the slave children she had grown up with had begun to distance themselves from her more and more with each passing year.

"So what are you guys going to do today?" Kagome asked Shippo.

He shrugged. "I think we might go down to the river and swim a bit. It's crazy hot today."

"Swim?" Kagome asked with surprise.

Shippo nodded as did some of the other demons. One of them suggested leaving now since they had to be back to work in a few hours and as one the group started to move to the line of trees. Kagome hesitated, Inuyasha and Shippo paused for her.

"What's keepin' ya?" Inuyasha drawled with an edge of annoyance; Shippo sent him a glare at his lack of respect.

"I-I um, swimming? Really, you guys want to do that?"

Shippo's fluffy tail wagged behind him. "Yeah! It's great fun; we have contests too! Like who can swim the fastest or hold their breath the longest."

Kagome felt her heart rate increase. _Races? Contests? Oh boy, this isn't going to end well._

"You guys go on, I think I'm going to stay here. Papa would be angry if I came back sopping wet."

Shippo frowned and chewed his lip; clearly he really wanted to go but felt obligated to stay with Kagome. She noticed and in return felt guilty that her position in relation to him made him feel that obligation.

"Keh, what ya afraid ya can't keep up with us demons?" Inuyasha taunted.

Kagome felt herself bristle. She loved challenges, especially when it meant a chance to prove herself to Inuyasha. But… she couldn't take the bait. _I don't know how to swim…_

"Oh, I'm sure I'm a better swimmer than you. But like I said, I can't get my new dress wet." Pointedly, she smoothed her hands down the front of her summer dress.

Shippo by now kept looking back and forth between them and the trees; clearly, impatient to be with the others.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all talk." Inuyasha snapped his head at Shippo. "Will ya quit that fidgettin'? Just get gone, will ya? We will be right there."

Shippo smiled toothily. "Sure! See ya!" Gleefully, he shot off like a bullet.

"No, _we_ will not. _I _am going back inside."

"Go run along then. Don't want your perfect skin to see the sunlight. It will damage your marriage value." His amber eyes were dark and vicious.

She stomped her foot. She didn't mean to seem so childish but she couldn't help the rage this boy could raise out of her. "Oh you- Oh, you are so- so! Ugh!" She groaned spinning around and walking purposefully toward the main house.

Inuyasha followed behind her. "That's it? That's the best you can come up with?"

She stopped and turned around with a finger pointed at his chest. "Oh, I've got a thing or two to say to you-"

"Is there a problem here, Kagome?" An icy voice, made her straighten her spine.

She felt a long fingered hand on her shoulder and didn't need to look behind her to know that her father was there.

"No, Papa. There is no problem." She said quietly, dropping her hand.

Inuyasha had gone quiet as well and was looking at the hard earth.

"Was there something you needed, slave boy?" Naraku asked with venom.

"No, sir."

"No, _master._" Naraku corrected.

"No, master." Inuyasha ground out.

"Good, you should be getting back to the fields then."

"Yes, master." And he left immediately.

Kagome felt her heart clench. She ruined Inuyasha's break by getting him into trouble.

"Now, my lovely daughter, I thought you were going to go to the garden to walk."

She took a calming breath and tried to smile at her father. "I was, I just thought I heard a strange noise over here. I guess I imagined it."

Naraku's eyes held hers for a long, uncomfortable minute. "I'll be happy to walk with you now."

She felt a shiver expel down her back. "On second thought, its much too hot for a walk. I think I will go inside and read quietly until piano."

Her father nodded approvingly. "Wise decision, my child."

She smiled one last time before disappearing into the house with a heavy heart.

* * *

><p>Finding herself in bed that night, Kagome's heart was heavier than ever. After a dull afternoon of reading, piano and then more lessons, dinner proved to be the perfect ending to a perfectly horrible day. Her father announced his intention of sending her away this fall to a finishing school for aristocratic young ladies. She couldn't do anything but thank her papa for his generosity although the idea burned uncomfortably inside her.<p>

_I only have two more months of freedom…_

And that's when something clicked inside her. She smiled devilishly as the bargain began to form itself in her mind. She threw back the covers, grabbed a robe to wear over her nightgown and slipped down the stairs silently and out into the night.

The plan was completely perfected as she made it to the front door of Inuyasha's house and opened it without invitation, a habit that she had adopted the last couple of years. Shippo was missing but Inuyasha was sitting at a chair at a small wooden table, leaning over something that he was studying in the poor candlelight.

"I'll teach you to read." Kagome said impulsively, her words breathy. "If you teach me to swim."

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes, mistrust shining bright as day. Yet, Kagome sensed he wanted so bad to take her up on her offer. Knowledge and learning could ultimately change the fate of a slave.

"Keh. Go make that bargain with some other idiot."

Kagome shook her head. "I'm not going anywhere until you agree. Please, it has to be you."

"Why?"

She wondered to herself why it had to be him. But she just knew, like she had always known with all things regarding him. She wanted it to be Inuyasha that taught her how to swim, not any of the household servants, not any of the other slaves. It had to be Inuyasha. She simply wanted it to be _him_.

She shrugged and tossed her head to the side, a self-depreciating smile on her rosy pink lips. "It just does. Please?"

His intense amber eyes studied her a long moment, his arms stiffly folded across his chest. "How would I even teach ya?"

"Well, I don't know. I don't know how to swim."

"That's not what I meant! I mean _how_, _when_ would there be a time that no one would know?"

Kagome's smile faded and she bit her lip in concentration. "Well, it wouldn't be hard for me to hold-up my end of the bargain. My maid goes to bed rather early, and my father locks himself in the study right after dinner. I could come down here to the slave quarters when she retires and teach you. The only tricky part is when I can actually learn to swim." She sat down on the hard and dirty bunk that was Inuyasha's; she didn't miss the way his eyes flared as she made herself comfortable.

"Yeah well, I ain't riskin' my life so ya can learn to swim. I'm only teachin' ya if I know for a fact we ain't gonna get caught."

"Then I guess you could teach me to swim after I gave you a lesson in reading and writing."

He studied her for a long time and then shrugged. "Forget it. I ain't doin' it."

She narrowed her eyes. "Why not? You know you want to learn."

He snorted and stood up from his table. "No, I don't."

"Ha!" Kagome stood up from his bunk and marched purposefully over to the table Inuyasha was sitting at. There on the table was an old newspaper, from the looks of it he was trying to read it upside down. She lifted it up and waved it in his face.

"Yeah? And what were you doing with this?" She asked with a raised eyebrow; he growled in response. "You want to learn; admit it, or don't admit it, but you _will _teach me to swim." She finished triumphantly.

Inuyasha snatched the newspaper from her. "Keh, fine. When do we start?"

Kagome's eyes grew large with happiness. "Tonight."

"Tonight?"

She nodded. "Only, I didn't bring anything to teach with so let's go swimming."

"How convenient. You're already flaking out on your part of the bargain."

She laughed and shook her head. "So lets do this! Come on, do we have a deal?"

Inuyasha eyed her again so she stuck out her chin and held out her hand. Finally, he took it into his larger, calloused hand and gave her hand a firm shake. Kagome felt something stir inside of her, something big and exciting. She knew this was the largest decision she had ever made and it felt great.

Inuyasha led the way into the dark night. Once under the cover of the trees however, Kagome was slipping and tripping over the obstacles the darkness of night had made invisible. After about the fifth time they had to stop for Kagome to right herself, Inuyasha made a show of grabbing her hand roughly and tugging her along.

The jolt of having his hand so suddenly holding hers twice in one night sent her heart a fluttering. She bit her lip at the sneaking suspicion of what this excitement she kept feeling, meant. It almost bothered her that she was feeling nervous around him. She almost preferred the constant bickering they usually indulged in.

Once they broke the coverage of the trees at the bank of the river, Kagome's eyes found it easier to see with the moon reflecting silver light off the water. Immediately, Inuyasha dropped her hand and stripped off his linen shirt. Kagome stood transfixed; she had never seen a man without his shirt before. The other slaves stopped undressing in front of her years ago and it was a simple fact that Inuyasha was not at all comparable to the young bare bodies she had seen as a little girl.

She recovered by the time he turned to face her. "I didn't think to bring a change of clothes."

Inuyasha's upper lip twitched in annoyance.

"Nevermind, its fine! I'll just learn in my nightgown. I'll hang it up tonight so it will be dry by morning." She untied her robe and tried to stifle a blush at Inuyasha seeing her in her nightclothes.

_Geez, when did I start caring about propriety? I'm sounding like Souta or Old Kaede… worse, I'm sounding like papa…_

That disturbing thought led her to squaring her shoulders. "Okay, how do we do this?"

By this point, Inuyasha had finished undressing and now stood only in his linen breeches. He shrugged at her question.

"Let's get in the water."

She followed behind him suddenly nervous. At the bank she stole what little resolve she could find within herself and put her first foot into the water. It was cold but the crisp quality of the water was invigorating. She must have looked like an excited child because when she looked up at Inuyasha, he was holding back a laugh.

She flushed and quickly waded her way to Inuyasha where the water was just below her chest. She felt like she weighed a ton with her nightgown stuck to her body and laden with water. She wondered if she would be physically able to swim with the confiding clothes or simply drown… _Not that Inuyasha would let that happen…hopefully…_

Inuyasha assessed her for a moment. "So you know how to float right?"

"Uh, no." She said with mild annoyance at his patronizing tone.

"Okay, we'll start there then." He stepped a little closer. "So just lay down in the water like its your bed."

She stared at him. "What?"

"Come on, its easy. Like this." Inuyasha promptly laid back, bringing his legs up and holding his arms out wide; he looked like he was laying on top of the water.

He stood up, shaking his hair out of his face. "You try."

Kagome swallowed and bit her lip. Very slowly, she leaned backwards but didn't bring her legs up soon enough and ended up just dunking herself in the water. She came up sputtering.

Inuyasha was rigid with withheld laughter. She would have bitten his head off but she could acknowledge that at least he wasn't actually laughing like he easily could be.

She settled for a 'humph' and, "I can't do it."

Inuyasha shook his head. "Yeah, its easy-"

"It's not easy!"

"-let me help you." He continued impatiently through tight lips.

He put a hand to her shoulder and another at her hip and helped to lean her back. She felt anxious until with Inuyasha's applied strength, her legs were brought up and when he released her, she was floating.

Kagome held very still apart from the smile that kept getting wider and wider on her face. Floating was in her opinion one of the greater accomplishments of her life. When she came up, she was aware again that she was exuding too much childish delight by the look on Inuyasha's face but she didn't care.

"Okay, so now what?" She asked eagerly.

They spent some more time floating; her on her back, and then her on her stomach. Slowly, he helped to move her hands and legs in the right ways to actually propel her. By the end of there lesson she could successfully manage a dog paddle.

Over the course of the following months and as the novelty of swimming lessons slowly began to wane, Kagome began fighting with a strangely familiar but somehow different stirring inside her when she was swimming with Inuyasha. The moment they set down there pads of writing paper and pencils and dashed for the river, somehow their dynamics changed. They were playful almost and they never bickered once during the following lessons.

During the day, Kagome was distracted by the pleasant thoughts of once again swimming with Inuyasha. She felt so content with him, safe and happy. He made her feel like how she once did when her mama was still alive.

It was Kagome's last night before leaving for school and they had just finished their nightly swim. Kagome collapsed on her back on the bank. She was wearing borrowed old clothes of Souta's to swim in, since they offered her more mobility. She was wiped out; they had just spent an hour racing back and forth from bank to bank. She didn't win except for once but she had a sneaking suspicion that Inuyasha felt bad that last race.

She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath. _I'm glad I get to spend my last night like this… with Inuyasha…_ she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Inuyasha joined her on the bank. "Keh, maybe swimming will be a survival skill for you. Since obviously you need more of those."

She turned her head to look at him and narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

A wicked grin came across his features. "Really? You want me to remind you of all the times you have gotten yourself into trouble? And needed my assistance?"

She made an indignant sound. "I can't think of a single instance!"

He took the challenge. "The time you were trying to out climb me and ended up face to face with a beehive. I had to jump up there and haul you away before you were stung to death."

"Well, at least I still beat you. Jumping, obviously disqualified you." She muttered remembering that memory perfectly well.

That was the first time Inuyasha had let her ride on his back. She would never forget the frightening and exhilarating feeling of leaping down from the tree, with the force of the wind blowing her hair, the strength of Inuyasha as he landed nimbly.

"Keh. That wasn't the point, woman." He paused for a minute. "What about that one time you thought you could ride your pa's fiercest horse and nearly broke your neck? I had to snatch you from your certain death, of course."

Kagome actually laughed at that one. Why? She wasn't certain. Maybe because his teasing tone was doing interesting things to her insides? Maybe because they were _flirting_?

"Okay fine. So you've saved me a time or two."

"What about that one time-"

She laughed loudly and sat up. "Stop! Okay, I need survival skills are you happy?"

Inuyasha folded his hands behind his head in a very pleased fashion. "Yep. I was right, you were wrong."

Kagome stared out over the river. On reflection, if Inuyasha hadn't been there for more than a few times in her life, she would most certainly have not made it this far in her life.

"I'm glad my papa bought you." She muttered out loud unknowingly.

The silence that immediately followed snapped her back to reality. She didn't need to ask if she said that out loud because when she turned to look back at Inuyasha, his face had hardened. He stiffly sat up and began dressing.

"We should go."

Kagome felt all the shame in the world at that humiliating statement. Of course she hadn't meant it to sound so callous or even to be heard at all. She meant more along the lines of she was glad she had him and they were friends. How did it come out sounding so passionless? She felt hot tears prickle behind her eyes as she too stood up and grabbed her robe.

"Inuyasha-"

"Miss. Higurashi," He bowed his head. "Goodnight." And he turned and left before she could say another word.

* * *

><p>Kagome was in a state of extreme anxiety the whole of the next morning. She was leaving this very afternoon and she still hadn't had the opportunity to find and apologize to Inuyasha for last night.<p>

The memory brought a new flush of pink to her cheeks. She felt unbelievable shame at having said what she had, even if it hadn't been her intention for it to come out the way it did. What if he didn't forgive her?

Kagome stopped packing her luggage for a second to contemplate that dark thought. Last night as she tossed and turned it never occurred to her once that he might not forgive her. It was an impossible thought because they were friends, he had saved her life numerous times…

She felt the sting of unshed tears. How could she go away to the North knowing that Inuyasha hadn't forgiven her? That he would be happy to be rid of her for the next four or more years? It would destroy her. It was _already_ destroying her.

Her heart was beating heavily and with each pump a stabbing pain shot through it. She wrapped her hands around her stomach trying to physically pull herself together. She was a wreck.

"Kagome?" Souta asked pausing at her door.

She turned to him with such a countenance of poor health that he immediately rushed to her side. "What's the matter? Have you taken ill? Shall I call the doctor? Kaede?"

She tried to speak but found her throat constricted in agony. She shook her head and with Souta's assistance rested on her bed. He produced a glass of water and she drank it down.

"Souta," She croaked, finding her voice. "I can't leave. I just can't."

"Sis, you can do it. If I was in better health I would have been gone for a long time already."

She shook her head. "No, that's not what I mean, though I will undoubtedly miss you terribly."

"But we will write." He added encouragingly.

She nodded becoming a little impatient with his interruptions. "Yes, we will write but Souta. I can not leave because I will be homesick. I can't leave because," here her eyes obediently filled with more unshed tears, "Because Inuyasha is mad at me and I can't stand the thought of leaving him on such ill terms."

Souta took a moment to process this and then he nodded and joined her on the bed. "Yes, it is clear that you have a rather fondness of him."

Kagome's heart tinged painfully. She had never admitted that to anyone, she hardly recognized it for herself that she had become dependent on him as a fixture in her life. She craved Inuyasha more than anything, it often led her to distraction.

"Yes." She agreed miserably.

"Why is he mad at you?"

Hesitantly she retold him what had happened along with the history and nature of her bargain with Inuyasha. She was surprised when she finished her story that Souta was not judging her for her reckless behavior, instead his look held genuine pity.

"You have to go and talk to him." Souta decided.

Kagome looked at the clock hanging on her wall. Her heart sank. "I can not. I am leaving in less than an hour and Kaede will be up any minute to help me finish packing and bathe.

Souta thought for a minute. "I will just have to distract her then."

"You can not! What if papa finds out! We both would be dead but it will be worse for you because you have to remain here with him."

Souta shook his head decidedly. "Kagome, go to him. Make him understand. Do not waste this opportunity; I do not know how much time I can buy you."

"Souta-"

"Kagome, you're happiness means the world to me. I know what it will be like if you cannot settle things with him before you go away."

She didn't make any move, so Souta dragged her from the bed and pushed her into the hall. With a final 'go' Kagome took off.

She ran with determination but also a lack of attention and it was by pure luck she didn't encounter any resistance before she reached Inuyasha's hut. She let herself in and was surprised to find it empty. She felt panicky and her mind tried to think where else to search. If he was in the fields, there was not way for her to leer him away. And then she wouldn't be able to apologize…

"Kagome?"

She turned around and ran to the young fox demon. "Shippo! I need to see him!"

Shippo's eyes saddened. "I-I don't know about that Kagome. He has been sad all day. He didn't show up in the fields this morning… he is lucky there is so much chaos with construction that he wasn't missed or else…"

Kagome had stopped listening when Shippo said he had been sad since last night. Inuyasha was never sad, he got angry but never sad. This might be irrevocable.

"Shippo, I need you to tell me where he is." She begged.

Shippo shook his head. "He said he didn't want to see you ever again…"

Fighting the pain that statement inflicted, Kagome resorted to something so desperate she would undoubtedly feel guilty about later tonight. Coming to her full height, she lifted her head and in a commanding voice said,

"Shippo, tell me where Inuyasha is."

The direct order had its effect and after the squeak of surprise Shippo was forced to tell her that he thought Inuyasha went to the river but wasn't sure since he didn't say.

That was all she needed to hear before she apologized and ran from the hut. She ducked into the forest, a little more aware this time that by now she could be suspected missing. She tried not to dwell too much on that thought as she pushed herself to run faster.

She came to a skidding halt once she cleared the trees and reached the river bank. To her left she didn't see him but when she looked to her right, he was right there staring morosely into the water. He hadn't even noticed her dramatic approach, or if he did he didn't plan to acknowledge her presence.

"Inuyasha." She called breathlessly coming to a halt just a few feet away from him.

He turned his head toward her but didn't speak. She tried to squash the bile rising in her throat at his devastated expression.

"I am so sorry." She started but wasn't sure what else to say. How could she explain her thought process without it coming out as harsh as before? How could she explain something that was still new to even herself. She _liked_ him.

He turned away from her and that made her desperately try to find the right words.

"It wasn't what I meant." She gushed. "I-I was wrapped up in those memories you reminded me of… I was thinking how grateful I was to have you as my friend… Inuyasha, you've save my life so many times… I owe you so much."

He didn't make any indication that he heard her.

She felt the tears stream down her flushed cheeks, trailing down the column of her neck. "It doesn't matter, does it? You hate me and there is nothing I can do to change that." She wasn't aware he was looking at her now, she was mad with anguish. "It doesn't matter that I've been fascinated with you since I was ten or that we made a bargain to teach each other. Or that I swore to protect you and you me. All those times we would sneak off into the night are no good now that I made that one, horrible mistake. That I got so caught up in my feelings for you that I accidentally said something that shouldn't."

"Kagome." His voice was strained, but it was loud enough for her to stop herself.

She blinked away the tears blurring her eyes and tried to calm her hasty breathing. "What? Didn't I get it right?"

His golden eyes were hard as they bore into her blues. He took a step closer and reached out his hand, it was only an inch from touching her neck. He was battling something but Kagome couldn't guess what.

"Inuyasha, I'm leaving. I'm leaving any minute now and I can't go unless I know I still have you." She sniffled and closed her eyes; she was on the verge of sobbing and she just wanted to have some level of composure.

"You have always had me, Kagome." His thumb ran down the tear line that stained her throat.

She shivered and opened her eyes to see him watching her carefully; she shook her head. "I don't mean in the slave and master way. I need to know we are still going to be friends."

His hand fell away. "Friends." The word was thick, almost unwanted.

"You still want to be friends, don't you? You have to forgive me, please." She pleaded.

He lowered his eyes. "Yes, we will still be friends."

Then why does he look so miserable? I can't force him to want me like I want him but I'm selfish enough to settle with this…

Their spines stiffened as they heard her name being called in the distance.

"You have to go. Good bye, Kagome." He was taking a step back when she grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

It startled both of them. But Kagome was overcome with a desperate need to solidify his promise of still being friends. And she couldn't lie to herself and pretend she had wanted to grab him like this for months now.

Her name was called again.

"Inuyasha," she took an uncertain breath and raised her eyes to his, "hold me." She acknowledged as his body jolted to wrap around her it was a direct order and he had to comply.

Fearfully, she looked up to see if she had just undone everything she was trying to fix. Surprisingly, he was staring down at her with a look of uncertainty. An uncertainty she was sure was mirrored on her face as well. Her face felt hot and her heart sped up to a frightening pace.

There was just one more thing she wanted… no _needed_ from him. "Inuyaha, ki-"

His lips fell down on hers suddenly halting her command. Her heart soared as she relieved in this kiss. In his kiss. In her first kiss.

It was blissful and perfect. It was tender and warm. It was everything she had hoped for in every girlish fantasy she had ever had. It rivaled any epic romance she had every read and that was mostly because…

She didn't even have to command it from him…

His warm lips pulled back from hers and she stared up at him in fascination. He wiped the remnants of her tears from her face. She smiled up at him not sure what to say.

Her name was called again, much louder this time. Her time had run out.

She reached up and fisted her hand in the hair at the nape of his neck. She pulled his lips once more to hers, elated by her boldness. When she pulled away, and stepped out of his arms she looked back over her shoulder.

"I will miss you. Goodbye, Inuyasha. Don't forget what you promised."

* * *

><p>"My goodness." Was the only reply Miss. Hill could muster, her pale face surprisingly tinged pink.<p>

Kagome chuckled. "Yes, I was quite bold." Her smile turned a little sour. "My father didn't find that boldness as amusing as you or I however."

"I wouldn't imagine he would during that time period."

The older woman's blue eyes hardened. "Do not give him the credit of excusing his horrid character as being a product of his time." The harshness of her voice, made Kagome sigh and return to staring out her window. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to be so harsh."

"No, it is nothing at all."

"Well, after that kiss I didn't see Inuyasha for another three years." She began again as if the story hadn't halted.

"Did you write to each other during that time?"

Kagome's wrinkled lips lifted a little. "No, but I thought about it everyday. Souta wouldn't ever indulge my subtle questions about Inuyasha either. I suspect my father read over whatever was written between us."

"So you came home in…?"

"1861. That was the beginning of the Civil War and our school closed because families were pulling their daughters out in fear."

"So you were 18 years old then. And how did Inuyasha react when you came home? He didn't forget his promise, did he?"

Miss. Hill was happy to hear Kagome's melodic chuckle again when she answered, "He reacted in true Inuyasha fashion of course. And, no, he didn't forget his promise."

* * *

><p>Well, hello there!<p>

I'm finally uploading again! And geesh, I'm pooped. I forgot how much work it is to write, edit, upload, edit and post... So I might have skipped a little editing here and there... oops! Well, I'll get around to it anyhow.

Sad news... So, I know I promised that I would do this story alongside Chicago Seasons but I decided I will continue that one once this one is finished. Or at least for the time being it is on hold. I have a lot of material for this story and instead of letting it sit there unedited and unpublished while I battle the writers block for Chicago Seasons, I thought it would be better to upload this one more frequently.

But :) Glad to be back and writing again! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry if its a little choppy, it really needs a little finesse... that I will get around to! As always, let me know what you think!

Thanks friends!

_hugs_LovingMyKitsune


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

_Fall 1861_

* * *

><p>Simply put, she felt anxious. At least that was the easiest emotion for Kagome to pick out during the entire four day journey from her bordering school to the balmy lands of her family's plantation. <em>Why this anxiousness?<em>

She pressed her hand to her stomach as her eyes began to recognize the landscape around her. She guessed she was only a few miles from home because there was the broken and abandoned one horse carriage her and Souta had crashed when he was learning to drive his own curricle. Her smile was meek- even that happy and ridiculous moment couldn't distract her from her mounting anxiety.

How could it? She hadn't been home in three years. She hadn't even seen her family in those long, horrible years of what felt like a prison rather than an upscale finishing school. And in those three years she had spent a lot of time thinking about this moment, the moment of her return. Hell, even making this dangerous journey (with the added danger of a freshly declared war) had eluded distracting her anxious mind.

She knew Souta was waiting for her and she looked forward to jumping into his arms. _He must be so tall now and strong…_ Kaede was still working with the family and Kagome missed her grandmother figure immensely. Then there was Pa… _Souta didn't have to write and tell me that things have gotten worse with Pa… I can just feel it…_

Her eyes skimmed the line of trees slowly beginning to molt. The sight was at once beautiful and haunting. Her father's aura swallowed and dampened every inch of her family's property.

The only time she ever felt a glimmer of that oppression lifted was when she was with Inuyasha… _Oh boy, I need to stamp those thoughts right away!_ _Why entertain such insipid fantasies? It's Inuyasha for goodness sake! We bicker and argue. Besides, it was only a simple kiss… I was young and foolish and had a first crush. That's all; that's it._

Still, why was her stomach fluttering at the fuzzy image that appeared in her head of Inuyasha. He wasn't even smiling; he was scowling. He was giving her the I-ain't-impressed look that always drove her mad. Why or how could that make her feel a sudden and ridiculous giddiness? She pressed her forehead against the window of her closed carriage. _Heaven help me…_

The carriage began to roll slowly to a stop and quickly with a shaking hand Kagome smoothed her dress and hair. She took in a long breath as the carriage door opened.

"Welcome home, miss." The post driver smiled toothlessly.

She smiled and accepted his hand as she stepped down.

"Sis! Look at you!" Souta's familiar voice immediately calmed her a bit and she turned in the direction of his voice just in time to brace herself for his bear hug.

"Souta! Look at me? Look at you! You've gotten so big! And are those muscles? When did that happen?" She asked breathlessly after he had spun her around, effectively knocking her bonnet askew.

Souta's pearly blue eyes winked at her. "When I met my lady friend."

Kagome couldn't help but laugh at the boyish charm he still possessed despite the foot and a half he grew and the extra twenty pounds of muscle he now sported.

"That's right, I should offer you and Miss. Rin my congratulations I understand."

The post driver had finished unloading her trunks and Souta picked one up. "You will have to tell her yourself when you meet her tonight at supper." He paused for a moment shaking his head. "It is so good to have you home, sis. I'm so relieved you had a safe journey."

She smiled and had to wrinkle her nose to keep her insipid tears at bay. Her gloved hand squeezed his free one. "Me too."

They walked together towards the house and Kagome tried to shake off the feeling of someone watching her. At the door she paused and glanced over her shoulder.

There was a searing flash of amber. _From the sun? No, not the sun. _Molten amber orbs were boring into her, scalding her as if they were a physical touch. But only fleetingly since in the next instant the body to those eyes was walking swiftly towards the fields.

All it took was that one look and Kagome knew the reason she was feeling anxious to come home.

_Inuyasha…_

"Kagome?" Souta's voice brought her back.

She coughed and finally righted her bonnet. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Souta shook his head. "You still look at him that way."

"Look at who? I don't know what you are talking about." Kagome haughtily lifted her head. "Where is Kaede? And where is Pa?"

Souta didn't hide his rolling eyes. "Kaede went next door on an errand and Pa went into town to settle some financial matters."

"Financial matters?" Kagome peeled off her lace gloves and began to ascend the stairs.

Souta followed while offering an explanation. "Pa's run on some hard times. The expansion didn't help either. There was a long drought after you left, Kagome. We lost lots of money."

She quelled the sudden shock of this news by quickly asking another question, "What did Pa do?"

Souta laid her trunk at the foot of her bed and then sat down on it. "Well, we sold off what land we could to tenets and Pa had to sell a lot of the new slaves. We still haven't recovered financially. That's why it is really fortunate I met Rin; she is extremely wealthy."

Kagome bit her lip. "I thought you loved her."

Souta laughed like a genuine fool in love. "I do. Endlessly. It's just very convenient she is loaded as well. Her dowry will go a long way to keeping us a float this winter."

Kagome joined Souta on the trunk, removing her bonnet before leaning her head on his shoulder. Her family's financial ruin could wait; if there was one thing that could distract Kagome, it was a good love story.

"Tell me more about Miss. Rin."

Souta let out a long, hopeless sigh. "I don't even know where to begin. She is the peaches, Kagome. That girl is perfect, I swear. Almost as perfect as you."

Kagome smiled into her brother's shoulder. It felt good to have him around in her dark little world, especially being home. She didn't want to know how bad their plantation was. Or ask if Souta would move out when him and Rin married. She just wanted to hear his cheerful voice tell her something nice and happy. Something simple and uncomplicated. Dutifully, his voice rattled on as she relaxed further into him.

She must have fallen asleep because the next instant she felt arms around her lifting her up and gently putting her in bed. Hands untied and removed her half-boots and lips softly touched her forehead.

"Inuyasha…"

* * *

><p>Kagome awoke several hours later to a gentle hand shaking her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open to a welcome abet wrinkled face.<p>

"Kaede!"

The elderly woman smiled and accepted a hug from her charge. "Ye have grown so much, Miss. Kagome."

The young woman dimpled. "Grown enough to no longer need chidings?"

Kaede smoothed her aged hands down the front of her apron. "We'll see about that, child." Her good misty blue eye took in the young woman before her. "My, how you have changed."

Kagome couldn't help noticing the changes time had on Kaede as well. Her eye was never as clouded as it was now and her shoulders were always held with a refined dignity. _And so many wrinkles…_

"Didn't think I could do it, huh?"

Kaede shook her head and smoothed Kagome's sleep ruffled style. "No, ye can do anything, child. But only what _you_ wanted to do. I'm proud of ye."

With chagrin Kagome smiled and readily replied, "Thank you very much."

It was a surprise when Kaede lifted her apron and dabbed at her eye with a self-deprecating laugh. "Anyway, I've come to wake ye because supper is soon and Miss. Rin would like to meet ye."

"Oh that's right! Goodness, I must have been asleep awhile. Is Pa home yet?"

Kaede's only working eye averted. "Yes, however, he won't be joining ye tonight. He is under the weather after his travels this morning."

Kagome felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment. She hadn't missed her father as she probably should have during the last three years but it troubled her that he wouldn't even greet her after her long absence. It was only getting harder and harder for her to remember him as the once happy and doting man he was when her mother was alive.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Souta tells me he has been under the weather a lot since I've been gone."

Kaede nodded and picked up the dining gown she was to wear for tonight. "Aye, times have been tough lately."

Kagome nodded as well but decided to change the subject. "So, tell me how much you've missed me since I've been gone."

Kaede laughed that ancient, deep chuckle that Kagome always loved. "More than I can say, child. More than I can say."

Kagome found Rin to be a very pleasing girl. She was younger than herself, barely sixteen years old, yet her mind was sharp and mature. Rin was exceedingly charming as well as beautiful and the way she looked at Souta made Kagome feel confident they were truly a love match.

Dinner was unlike any Kagome had experienced the past many years in this plantation house. It was lively and full of fun conversation. It was also great to have someone else to joined her in teasing her easily embarrassed brother. And while he flushed and threatened both the young ladies, she could tell he secretly enjoyed seeing her and Rin's easy friendship.

By the time Rin had left, she had congratulated Souta again, and Kaede helped her dress for bed, Kagome was feeling the same anxiousness she had earlier that day. She also felt a familiar guilt creep through her as she realized she wasn't really going to bed when Kaede snuffed her candles and closed her bedroom door.

She was going swimming. And simply acknowledging this made her crawl with excitement. She hadn't been swimming since she left and she couldn't think of a better way to ease her tension than by doing one of the few things she ever did for herself.

She slipped out of bed and searched in the back of her dresser for her swimming clothes. She smiled when she found the 'borrowed' pair of Souta's breeches and nightshirt crumpled in the back of the drawer. _Right where I left them!_

She pulled the breeches on, surprised that they still fit, they had become a bit snugger in the hips and even the nightshirt clung tighter to her shoulders and breasts. She covered her scandalous attire with a dressing gown and silently exited her bedroom bare foot.

As it was all those years ago, the house was dark and quiet. She soundlessly slipped out into the night. She relished the feel of the cold damp earth on her bare feet and the crisp breeze of night air. It was glorious to be like this - like no time had ever passed.

* * *

><p>By the second night of her arrival, things had quickly gone down hill. Her swim last night, while liberating and nostalgic, left her feeling oddly dissatisfied the next morning and she couldn't at first fathom why. There was a hollowness inside her that grated on her nervous and by mid morning she was snapping at anyone that looked at her twice.<p>

Her mood improved slightly when a nervous and hesitant servant brought her a note. Quickly Kagome opened it, surprised to see it was from her school mate Sango. Sango was her age and came from a wealthy blacksmith family in the North. Sango was perhaps the only reason Kagome was able to find finishing school tolerable.

The note opened with the usually niceties but when those were done, Sango had a major favor to ask of Kagome. Her father and brother had joined the Union army and since her mother was also dead, asked to come live with Kagome. Sango, a resourceful girl, reassured Kagome she would be able to procure a safe passage if Kagome could answer shortly. After all, West Virginia had only just split from Virginia to join the Union, meaning Sango wouldn't have to travel much further from Union territory to get to Kagome. Besides, Kagome had just made the trip herself with little inconvenience. Still, the sooner Sango got on her way, the better.

Immediately Kagome penned her affirmative that Sango was welcome in her home for however long she needed to be. On a second thought, Kagome wrote a PS telling Sango not to mention her Union roots when she arrived. She had a feeling Pa wouldn't be welcoming of a Union sympathizer.

Feeling slightly better that Sango should be arriving in a few weeks time, Kagome decided to find Kaede and mend her horrid treatment to her from this morning. Upon reaching Kaede, Kagome smiled shyly.

"Kaede I wanted to apologize-"

"Mr. Hojo is here to see ye, child."

Kagome blinked, momentarily caught off guard. And before she could recover, Hojo's red head peaked around the corner.

He smiled sheepishly. "Good afternoon, Miss. Kagome."

Instinctively remembering the education that was drilled into her head for the past three years, Kagome bowed her head and gave a small curtsy. "Good afternoon, Mr. Hojo. I wasn't expecting you or I would have had tea prepared."

Kaede dismissed herself and Hojo stepped forward. "I heard you arrived yesterday and I knew you would need some time to be caught up with your family first. I wanted to see you as soon as possible though, to be assured you had a safe journey."

Kagome smiled out of genuine fondness for Hojo's thoughtfulness. "Thank you, my trip was entirely uneventfully. The war has only just started so I didn't expect to run into any troubles. Would you like to sit down, Hojo?"

He shook his head. "I'm glad to hear that, Miss. Kagome. No, I was only stopping by on my way into town. Perhaps, I can call on you again tomorrow? Around this time?"

Kagome nodded cordially. "Yes, I would like that very much."

Hojo smiled too. A smile Kagome always felt would be boyish no matter his age. But it was familiar and warm to her and she wouldn't have it any other way. Hojo hesitated a moment before quickly grabbing her gloved hand and pressing it to his lips.

It was like being dosed in cool water. Kagome suddenly realized why last night had left her empty. Inuyasha hadn't been there, it hadn't been the same. And now, even her genuine affection for Hojo had soured a little at his intimate touch. It reminded her of a promise she was sure to make soon. A promised that made Hojo's kissing her hand a given right to him.

She smiled all the same through her chaotic thoughts and walked him to the door. At the gate at the edge of their property, he turned and waved. She waved too. As she turned back inside she caught a flash of amber and felt the warmth of the sun on her back.

* * *

><p>After a long and confusing day of ignoring some emotions and trying to rationalize others, Kagome finally slipped away into the darkness for some solace by the river. She was surprised, pleasantly in fact, to find someone standing on the bank when she arrived.<p>

"Inuyasha." She breathed through a smile; she instantly dropped her towel to run to him. She was barely able to keep herself from leaping into his arms. Relief, excitement, all coursed through her veins in a heady rush. "I can't believe you're here. I've been thinking about you all day. I tried to make up a million excuses to see you today but I didn't get the chance." She couldn't stop the truth from slipping past her lips if her life depended on it.

He shrugged casually, very traditional to his character. "You only just got home yesterday; you've been busy."

She smiled and brushed some hair behind an ear. "It's great to see you, Inuyasha. I've missed you so much." Again, the blatantly honesty that she had barely admitted to herself.

He frowned before asking, "How was… it?"

Not the answer she was looking for but regardless she rolled her head back and laughed. He had such an affect on her, she nearly forgot what it was like to be in his company.

"Horrible." At his surprised look she smiled again. "Honestly, boarding school isn't all its made out to be. I had to learn etiquette, and other _womanly arts_ all day long. We hardly ever got to go outside."

"All that sounds completely useless." He scoffed; once again, not impressed.

Kagome's blue eyes turned sad along with her smile. "Unfortunately, it won't be useless for me." She looked off into the surrounding woods. "I had to learn how to become a plantation owner's wife. How to mold perfectly into this society." She let out a shaky laugh and shook her head, all the while feeling embarrassed. "Anyway, I'm home now and it feels great. Never thought you'd hear me say that, huh? But its true, I actually prefer home to that horrid school."

Inuyasha was just standing there. She could feel the uncomfortable weight of his gaze on her face. She bravely faced him, trying to regain that intoxication that had made her giddy only minutes earlier. He looked sullen but this was the first chance you had gotten to actually look at him. Look at him good.

He was hardly the boy she remembered him being. He had grown quite a bit as Souta had, though he was probably taller than her baby brother. He had filled out impressively; he made Souta's muscles look minuscule. As her eyes skirted over his smooth, exposed chest, she felt embarrassment brush at her cheeks. The only part of him she recognized was his hauntingly inhuman eyes.

She sensed the awkwardness of the silence and tried another subject. "Funny I should run into you here. I thought you only came at night to teach me."

"I come here every night." Inuyasha replied simply, a little too easily.

She shook her head. "You weren't here last night."

His lips tugged up on one side. "Yeah, I was."

She stared at him for a moment before understanding swelled in her cheeks, hot and pink. "You saw me swimming and you didn't make your presence known to me? Inuyasha! That's… that's… improper!"

"Why?" He slinked closer to her. "We used to swim together all the time." An unfamiliar deepness to his voice shot a thrill down her spine.

He was trying to get under her skin again, like old times. She straightened her back, desperately trying to compose herself; after all, she wasn't the same hot-headed fifteen year old he used to know. She couldn't let him get the satisfaction of ruffling _a lady._

"Well, we both have grown quite a bit since then. It isn't proper for a boy and a girl to swim together at our ages." Her voice only wavered slightly from his intimidating proximity.

His innocence was too clearly feigned. "Why not?"

That flustered her all over again. "You-You know why not."

He shrugged and took yet another step closer, her chest began to rapidly rise and fall. "Tell me, what does your fancy learnin' say about that?"

_Ouch…_ The harsh, biting tone of his snippy question instantly cleared her mind. How rude of him to say that to her. She had just told him how miserable her education had been and now he was throwing it back in her face? _Fine, two can play at this game._

"You can't figure that one out for yourself? How dull. I'm going to bed." She replied haughtily and boldly brushed right past him.

Her footing faltered when she heard his low growl and almost immediately felt the warmth of his body directly behind her. The tension had been thick before, but now, it was palpable. She had seriously set him off with her dismissal. She would have turned around on her own if his hand hadn't closed painfully around her arm and jerked her bodily to face him.

She looked up with mixed fear and curiosity. She couldn't fathom, even in those split seconds that he would hurt her. Yet, she was arrested by the sharp intensity of his eyes, the harsh lines of his cheek bones, and his firm body now pressed intimately against her. She wanted to speak, but to say what?

He issued another growl, this one blowing her bangs, "You're not going anywhere."

And then he kissed her.

There was momentary shock as her mind reeled to process the turn of events. Her anger had diminished the instant before when he grabbed her, but she hadn't had time to decipher what to feel about his aggressiveness before this kiss.

His lips were surprising gentle and still for a moment. Then the began to withdraw but only slightly before descending again. Kagome couldn't help it, she was suddenly weak, emotionally, physically, she kissed him back with no hesitation.

He muttered something against her lips, and his hand released its numbing hold on her arm but only so both his arms could wind themselves around her back to draw her nearer still. Kagome followed his example by burying her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. She clung to him as tightly as he was clinging to her.

It felt effortless and natural when the kiss progressed and she felt the light brush of his tongue on her lip. She merely sighed and opened to him. She was falling deeper and deeper into whatever abyss he was leading her into. Everything felt surreal and incredibly perfect. _So perfect, so, so perfect. Better than the first…_

Inuyasha's body stiffened and his eyes snapped open. He extracted himself from her arms and held her at arms length.

She dazedly tried to gather her wits. "Inuyasha?"

"Who is it?" There was a huskiness to his voice along with a distinct rage.

"Who is- What?" She tried to pull him closer to her, she felt oddly cold without him holding her.

"Who have you kissed before?"

Kagome felt her blood drain from her face. "Why would you think I've kissed someone before?"

Inuyasha growled and let her go completely. He stepped back and gestured at both their disheveled looks. "Because you seemed pretty sure of yourself there."

His accusation hurt, his anger at her hurt even more. Instinctively, her humiliation and embarrassment boiled into her own anger. "I don't have to answer you."

He stared at her for a moment before scoffing. "Guess not. Goodnight, Miss. Higurashi."

As he was disappearing into the surrounding trees she whispered, "Hojo."

* * *

><p>Kagome waded into the iridescent water that looked almost black in the moonless night sky. Black, like her mood. It had been a week since her return and the biggest accomplishment she had had was appearing tolerable for other people. She was beyond fighting with Kaede, Souta or her Pa. She had been borderline emotionless since her night with Inuyasha on the river.<p>

This was her first night back at the river since the kiss and she couldn't tell if she was relieved he wasn't here. _Probably better this way…_ What would she say to him anyway? Just today Hojo had visited her again, a reminder that she had to start acting the part she was sent away to learn.

Her fingers trailed lightly over the top of the surface. She had never experienced these kind of emotions in regards to Inuyasha. They always had an easy connection, she had never really yelled at him or hurt him or talked down to him… What had become of her? And of _them_?

They weren't little kids anymore, they couldn't pretend to be equals like they used to. She couldn't run around barefoot with him and never think twice before stripping to her underwear in front of him to go swimming. She couldn't laugh and flirt with him anymore. She couldn't even talk to him; and that was the hardest to come to terms with. That, and she couldn't kiss him either.

She sighed and slowly lowered herself onto her back, floating gently in the still waters. She had spent all those years in boarding school learning right and wrong, learning how to think like a lady, act like a lady, dress like one. But she still couldn't accept it. She honestly thought she could when she returned but she was wrong and she knew it the instant Inuyasha walked into view that night.

All those repressed thoughts, all those interesting stirrings she had had while she was away, awaked inside her. She was different yes, but it had little to do with the education she had received- it had everything to do with Inuyasha.

_Always Inuyasha._

Was he ever that far from her thoughts these past three years? Wasn't he the first person she missed when she was sent away? The one she wanted to write to above others? The one she cried over with longing? The one she thought of when she was instructed how to make a home comfortable for a man? Wasn't it his name her head screamed when Hojo began visiting her up North to court her? _Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha… _with every soft, hesitant touch from Hojo, it was _Inuyasha_.

Kagome stood up in the water. She wasn't dimwitted; she knew what had happened to her the moment her heart was separated from his.

She felt like she was drowning; she was too consumed in something so impossible. She couldn't see the end or the way out. She loved Inuyasha more than that mere childhood crush she thought she had on him. He was something of herself, he had a part of herself that she wasn't ever going to get back. She would spend the rest of her life wishing and yearning for something that could never happen. That is why she had refused to dwell on him since coming home, because seeing him again was bound to make her love of him a reality. She couldn't play it off as a simple childhood crush anymore.

She started to make her way to the bank, pausing when she felt something warm drip down her cool cheek. She brushed it away with mild agitation; she was crying- again. And because of him. More tears sprang from her in frustration and it was another minute before she could finally wipe them away enough to see. But before she had them clear, she could sense him; Inuyasha was here again.

Her sparkling blue eyes cast up the bank and saw him watching her carefully. She didn't move and couldn't summon the courage to respond to his presence; to push him away like she should, or to pull him closer like she wanted.

Luckily for the both of them, he made the choice for her. He stepped into the water and waded to her. In the hip deep water, she stared up at him wordlessly. How was she to explain her behavior of that night, her behavior now…

_I can't do this… No, I can't do this. I can't kiss him again. I have Hojo. This is too sudden; I'm still so confused. I want to so bad but…_

She dropped her gaze and looked away from his face. Her body stiffened when she felt a finger dragging her chin up. She reluctantly kept her eyes closed.

"How about we race? First, one to the other bank and back wins." Inuyasha's voice whispered gently, he sounded unsure.

Kagome opened her eyes and thought he looked sad but it was only a momentary expression across his heavy brows. In the next instant he gave that challenged half smirk that used to boil her blood -it still did- and dove sideways into the river bed.

She watched him for half a second before smiling and diving in after him.

_Maybe he understands…_

* * *

><p>Hello, hello!<p>

A long chapter for the long wait! I think from here on out they will all probably be about this length. There is going to be a lot going on in the chapters to come; I have a lot of history to fit into the next couple of years in the story!

Anywho, let me know what you think :) AND A SPECIAL THANK YOU to all my lovely reviewers so far! I really appreciate all the excitement/feedback I had gotten thus far! You guys rock (not to sound cliche- it's just very true)!

_hugs_LovingMyKitsune_  
><em>


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